


"Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

by humanityalmost



Category: Ski Jumping RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddles, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up, Romance, it is an emotional rollercoaster, like it goes from heartbreakingly sad to pure fluff, super sad andi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 23:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10372290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanityalmost/pseuds/humanityalmost
Summary: Everything was so empty, there was just this voice screaming in his head and the feeling of disappointment creeping through every fibre of his body.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys :)  
> well basically seeing andi cry broke my heart and made me write this... i admit it isn't really good but have it anyways  
> the title is from Snow Patrol's song 'Chasing Cars'   
> Have fun! :)

He knew it. He knew it before his skis even touched the ground. He screwed it up, or the wind did, he didn´t even care if he was being honest. His thoughts were just racing through his mind as he slid down the hill, all the flags and colours rushing beside him but he couldn't really focus on any of it. Everything went by so fast and the only thing he noticed was that small voice in his head telling him that it was his own damn fault. Telling him he should have tried harder, that he made a mistake. It felt like the voice got louder and louder in the back of his head while he was sliding down and reached its peak as he finally reached the end of the hill and stopped. Unbuckling his skis he didn't even hear the speaker announce how far his jump actually was or the fans trying to cheer him up by applauding him.

Everything was so empty, there was just this voice screaming in his head and the feeling of disappointment creeping through every fibre of his body. It was like a stone weighing hundreds of kilos was pinning him down, even just picking up the skis from the ground and getting away from the cameras was exhausting. He couldn't remember ever feeling this exhausted, mentally as well as physically. It seemed to him like his knees would just give in the next step he would take and the voice was still there screaming at him as he felt someone comfortingly patting him on the back. He didn't even realize or care who it was really, it was just another action getting drowned out by the blur in his head. 

Almost in a robotic manner he managed to put his skis away and get changed. If somebody would have asked him later how he did that or when, he wouldn’t have had an answer to it. It was like his body was making the moves it was supposed to do. ‘Unless like justminutes before’ he thought and realized that even in his thoughts he sounded extremely bitter. And before he hadn't even noticed it there were warm tears running down the side of his face. He really tried to make it stop but somehow he just couldn't, it was like someone left open the tap and the sink was running over. He sensed the TV cameras zooming in on his face all around before he could even see them and as much as he hoped they wouldn´t capture his breakdown, he also knew there was no way around it. Hundreds of eyes were staring at him in that very moment and for once he hated being in the spotlight. For this few moments he hated his decision of becoming an athlete and he hated himself for breaking down right in front of them all. They weren’t supposed to see that, no one was in fact, not anymore. 

And before he could stop his head mapping out the whole story, there were even more tears rolling down his cheeks, staining them with wet, salty streaks and leaving him red eyed. There was no one here anymore to keep him from falling because Stephan left. It was his own fault and he knew it. Just in that moment all the emotions, locked up somewhere in the back of his mind for the last few weeks, almost months, broke out again. The realization how much he really missed Stephan, the fact that he just lost everything he had fought so hard for the last few days and the exhaustion seeping through his body - it all just played together, leaving him crying in front of hundreds of TV cameras and spectators that came to the hill to see him succeed. 

~

Later he would only remember bits of things that had happened in the thirty minutes after his jump. He was sitting there crying and he remember Tande grabbing his hand, tenderly rubbing it and softly telling him to stay strong and then leaving with an encouraging smile. He remember Kamil pulling him into a tight hug, ruffling over his head and telling him that he´s still so young and that he will win everything eventually. He remembered Stefan not knowing how to react around him, just - almost apologetically - patting him onto the shoulder but that was everything. Standing up there on the podium and receiving the plate for the all over third place he only saw days later on TV and it was like watching a movie about himself. He knew he was there and he knew it happened but he just couldn´t remember any of those scenes shown on TV. It was like they were erased from his memory completely. 

~

It was torture for Andi until they finally reached the hotel and he could get out of the team bus. He jogged into the hallway, not even caring what people might think about or make out of it because he just really wanted to take a shower and then curl up in bed and hopefully never get up again.

Since their break up Stephan and he had single rooms to not create any ‘awkwardness’ how their coach liked to put it and the knowledge of that made him tense up as he noticed that his door was already unlocked and not fully closed. With his luck today somebody had either broken into his hotel room and stolen all his things or a crazy fangirl was snooping through his stuff. Sighing and literally expecting to see the craziest things when opening the door, he entered the room and immediately stopped in his tracks as he spotted the figure nervously sitting on his bed.

Andi had maybe thought he couldn’t be surprised but surely he didn't expect to see Stephan, his ex-boyfriend, sitting on his bed, nervously rubbing his hands together and with an unsure, little smile on his lips.  
‘Hey Andi!’ His voice was barely audible as he got up from the bed but it was enough for Andi to just drop everything he was carrying and hurry to his friend, who instinctively opened up his arms for Andi and just seconds later the younger one had his face buried in Stephan´s hair, breathing in the familiar scent of shampoo and just ‘Stephan’. 

‘I can’t do this without you.’ Andi’s words were just a whisper but he knew Stephan had heard him and as if to show him it was ok, his arms around the taller ones waist tightened and Stephan soothingly rubbed up and down his back. Andi felt like everything was just draining from his body right now; all the exhaustion, the disappointment and the pain were just slowly leaving his bones. Making it possible for the warmth of Stephan to seep through his body and make him feel a little bit better in an instant. 

Stephan pushed him a little away and held him at arm's length, making sure to look him directly into the eyes as he told him: ‘Andi, you did everything you could and maybe it just wasn’t meant to be but next time it will be! I am still so insanely proud of you!’ And Andi was sure he could look into this eyes forever, standing there, feeling his heart race and this unbelievable wave of affection roll over him. But just as he wanted to tell him all of this, the smaller one just got up on his tiptoes, placing his hands softly onto the younger one’s face and pressing his lips onto his. If Andi wouldn’t have been completely swept off of his feets beforehand now he definitely would have been. That kiss was the definition of all the things he had missed so desperately over the past few weeks and it seemed like Stephan was longing just as much for Andi’s touches as the other way around, because as soon as Andi had his arms back around his smaller friend he was maneuvered to the bed and carefully pushed onto it, before Stephan crawled onto it beside him, wrapping himself around Andi, trying to keep him as close as possible and that was when Andi realized what people mean when they say that it’s sometimes necessary to find calmness in another person. 

Stephan was that kind of calmness for him, but he was also pure happiness and fireworks; love and admiration; luck and trust. He was the one keeping him sane and at the same time making him feel like nothing was impossible. He was his anchor but at the same time the balloon that would make him fly. He was the one part that was missing to make Andi feel whole. He was the person Andi would always call first and the person who he had the desire to talk to even when he was at his worst. 

Right now, laying there, their bodies pressed together and their faces only centimeters away from each other, all the disappointments and the pain seemed to be so insignificant and far away and to make them fully disappear Andi closed the distance between them and softly captured Stephan´s lips with his own, trying to lay all the things into the kiss, he didn’t dare to say out loud. And he knew Stephan would understand. They always had this weird way of communicating without actually having to say a word, even before they were a couple and maybe it was already a sign back then that this connection between them was something special. A story to have romantic novels written about. 

There was just nothing like having the person you love the most wrapped around you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear and pushing away all those painful emotions that were swirling through your body. And as they were laying there, at half past for in the morning, Stephan still holding Andi close, he really hoped that wasn’t just a one time thing. He needed Stephan back in his life and he would do everything that would be necessary to get him back at his side. Back as his boyfriend, because ‘home is where the heart is’ and his heart was securely stored in Stephan´s hands and he couldn’t think of any better place for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! <3


End file.
